A lot of sleep....

Today Faith did not wake up until 11am. She went to bed last night at 8pm. All day long...good mood...bad mood...feeling ok...feeling terrible...she spent about three hours on the couch this afternoon cuddling with her service dog Cass. She told me he cannot make the bad feelings go away but he helps her cope with them. She started writing a book, as she described it, the other day in Math class when she was not feeling good. She read the two pages she wrote so far to me and her mother tonight. It was pretty amazing. I am going to retype it tomorrow and post it on her. I am trying to talk her into writing her feelings on this blog. I think she will but I will have to retype them so that she can get more thoughts out, otherwise she will only type a few sentences at a time. She is only 11 and has not mastered typing yet. Hope everyone has a good night. I will type the beginning of the book on my next post. Kris

A tough day...

It has been a tough day for Faith. I am pretty sure it is because of the time change. Just like me she seems to get down in a funk when it gets dark so early and the weather gets bad. But for her it is just a miserable feeling she cannot stand and it overcomes her. It also has to do with a string of incidents at her school over the past couple of weeks. As I have posted a long time ago, we first realized Faith had something wrong with her when we moved to Fort Campbell and tried to enroll her in first grade. She had an incident with a counselor where we allowed the school to rip her out of Renae's arms to keep her in school, trusting them with their thoughts that she was just having separation issues. It was a very traumatic incident for her and she still has nightmares about it. One of her problems with her anxiety is she never wants to lose control like she did in that school those few days and never wants to suffer like she did then. We pulled her out of school and home schooled her that year while we figured out what was wrong with her. Well after a few years of hard work by dozens of doctors, counselors, teachers and administrators guess who is the counselor at Faith's school this year. She has been so brave this year and last week she did not want to do work while this counselor was in her classroom teaching something to the kids. He told her she had to do the work and she told him no and that she did not like him and did not have to do the work. Well he went off, not only freaking her out but also making numerous other children cry in the class and then topped it off by punishing the entire class. She ended up writing a letter explaining her feelings and how hurt she was by what he did long ago. This so called counselor has refused to apologize to her to help her get over this incident in her life. Regardless of whether he "remembers" her and what happened he has continued to treat her differently than the other kids and will not say the few little words that will help her. The entire school staff knows Faith and her story and no one can make him do the right thing, but it is what it is. We, along with her awesome teacher and principal, decided she and the other kids would leave the class while he was in there. However, Faith understands that she cannot base her life on other peoples actions and has stood firm on the fact that she wants to go back and be with her class when he is there. So she went back this week and he freaked out and said she was not allowed in the class, embarrassing her, making her feel really awkward and pissing me off. But again, this has affected her. I went to the school with Renae today and said without a doubt I will not let this man ruin four years worth of hard work by dozens of people and most importantly Faith. She has made tremendous strides this year, almost too fast for us to keep up with her. However each time she makes a step forward toward her goals, this man is bringing her two steps back. Right now she is curled up in her closet. It is not all his fault, it is just the way she feels. We can't take her to get help, the only thing doctors want to do is hospitalize her, and she cannot handle the suffering moods she is feeling. I think it may be a long winter. I think I have been rambling on and the other two kids are about to make me want to run away. It is hard to give them the attention they need when we are trying to control Faith and help her. Have a good evening.

I am back to blogging...

It had been over a month and we have had quite a bit of changes in our lives. We have moved out to the country on five acres. It has been a hard transition for Faith. We have wanted to move for a while to see how a PCS (primary change of station) or a cross country move would go. I am glad we did this first. It has been an eye opening experience for us. I will get into more depth and attempt to go back to daily posts again. We do have internet but it is almost like dial-up. So I just wanted to say hello from the Forchione Family and let you know I am back. Thanks to everyone for your support and I hope we can continue to open up doors for children who suffer from Mood Disorders. Kris

Back in school today....

Well it was a short cycle. Faith woke up this morning and went to school feeling well. The only complaint all day was a headache!! She came home and did her homework and is outside playing for a little while after dinner. I knew that is what it was...I feel the same sometimes. It is just a little scary because of all of our past experiences. She is such a trooper and has made it through too much to let this slow her down. Her and Cass even rode the bus home today with her little sister Abbi. Cass is too big to fit under the seats so he sat in the seat with her and looked out the window!!! How cool is that. I will have to ask her mother to take a picture of that!!! Tough 96 hours...but things are getting back to normal. Kris

here it goes again.....

It has been a while but here we go again. Faith is in a downward spiral right now. All we can do is support her and be there for her until she feels better. She is depressed and to be honest Renae and I think some is her bipolar cycling and the other is her struggles she is having in school because of missing last year. She is a perfectionist and school is hard. She is also not on anything to help her concentrate and keep her from bouncing on the walls at school. She is in one of her vicious cycles that has not hope of stopping. She feels bad...she gets depressed...she misses school...she does bad in school...she feels like she is a failure...she gets mad...she goes into a uncontrollable rage...and it goes on and on. Cass can only help her so much. He cannot do much help when she goes into a rage. Tonight she tried to rely on him but it just wasnt working. This was expected but it is so difficult to see her doing so well and then see her spiral out of control so quickly. We knew it would have to happen...such is the deal with Mood Disorders...but no matter how much experience you have or how much anticipation or warning you have....I can NEVER be able to handle it...I can NEVER be able to watch her suffer....and unfortunately I will NEVER be able to take the pain for her. Kris

The weekend....

Ok so the computer is still not fixed...just a minor issue that I will figure out. Last week Faith made it over a huge hurdle. Instead of staying locked up inside the car not wanting to go to school, she went in. I may have rolled down the windows and went to sleep and told her we would stay in the parking lot until school was out, and I would take vacation days until she finally went in, but she saw that I was serious after two hours. She also had three different teachers come out and talk to her. The amazing thing is after school that day she realized that she can overcome those terrible feelings and go on and have a good day. We then spent the weekend at a marriage retreat, she finally overcame her fear of getting her ears pierced!!!! AMAZING...climb one hill and see the need to climb another!! Yesterday she started not feeling good, she is going through a cycle, extreme highs and now the lows. She basically does not feeling like doing anything, it is a struggle to even get up. She tried going to school and almost stayed the entire day, it is just tough to not lay down and do nothing. I know this feeling quite well. It is so hard to get up when feeling this way. I could just sleep for days, as I think she wants to, however it fuels her stress and anxiety because she is doing so well with school and does not want to fall behind. It is tougher this year becuase she did not go last year, and she is just now getting back into the routine. So our cycle continues, but she and Cass are troopers, he never leaves her side and his presence helps her accomplish almost anything, if not for herself then for him!! Kris

Vet visit....

Today Faith was unable to attend school. She "does not feel good", we think it is one of her down times or depression faze. She craves sweets, and she does not want to get out of bed. She was a trooper and went to the school, got of the vehicle and went into school. I gave this to her as a goal because before when she was like this there would be NO WAY she would even get out of the vehicle. She attained her goal when she was feeling absolutely terrible. I was so proud of her. She slept all day until we had to take Cass to the vet this afternoon. Although it is not required we had him tested like they do therapy dogs for how calm he is. I wanted to do it for several reasons. First there is a teacher at the school that brought it up and said it was a requirement on post. Second, I want to lay the groundwork for future service dog owners so I can know what they can expect. It has become a division policy to test all dogs that will attend schools or go in public places on post since there was a horrendous accident a few months back with a therapy dog attacking and killed a child in its backyard. There is not a very defined line around here between service and therapy dogs so Faith and I said "lets do it". Needless to say the two vets were very impressed with Cass and his training. They were also impressed with how he is with Faith. They spent about ten minutes with him away from Faith to see how he interacted with strangers, being alone, and getting startled. The vet went over the list and he scored perfect in every category. Again he is not required to do this testing, however we have been received so well at her school and here on post it can do nothing but help Cass and Faith, and also future service dogs on post. Everyday he amazes me with how much he is helping my daughter. It may seem like not much to the untrained eyes, but to someone who spends a lot of time with her or those that have known her it is an amazing transformation. She will make it to school tomorrow. These spells usually last a few days and then she will be her happy self again. My computer has died again so I am borrowing this one, thus the reason for not writing. I have just received a banner so it is time to register to do a bake sale/fund raiser for Little Angels Service Dogs at the PX. More information to follow. Have a great week. Kris

Third day of school...

So far so good. Faith and Cass are doing awesome. She is having a hard time with Math because she feels like she is so far behind everyone else in her class except that she really isn't. I try to work with her at night but after holding in all her emotions all day...well lets just say she is bouncing off the wall at night and then is out within a few minutes all of the sudden. She loves school and she loves being able to go. I think sometimes that Cass has finally validated her disability to herself. What I am trying to say is she has spent the last four or five years trying to be normal and to fit in. Now that she has Cass she can finally walk around in confidence knowing that she is different and it is ok. She would not have a service dog if she did not need him. And people now look at her and cannot say she has nothing wrong with her. The may not be able to see it, or feel it, or hear it....but it is there. And Cass just proves it to them. I have gotten emotional the last few days as I look back at how hard the last couple of years has been on our entire family. It has wore Renae out both physically and emotionally. It tears a mothers heart out when she cannot help her child and it breaks her down when she can never get any rest. Tess and Abigail, her sisters, have had to deal with being on the back burner too many times to count when Faith was not feeling right. They have had too many special or important events missed because Faith could not go, and it took both of us to try and control her. They understand, they love her, but they have missed out on some things that were important to them. They also have to spend so much time alone when the Army takes me away. Cass has had such a tremendous impact on Faith that we decided they both deserve their own dog to have as their best friend and someone they can talk to and be with when they are lonely, scared or sad. I think you have to be a military family and a family with someone who has a disability to truly understand what I am saying. Some people think we are crazy or wonder how can we afford two more dogs when we are still raising money to pay for Cass. Well I say back to them how can we afford NOT to??? Tess got a border collie/lab mix names Blu. She is beautiful and loves Tess so much and spends all of her time with her. We are treating Blu like Cass. Wherever Tess goes, while at home of course, Blu goes. Blu sleeps with her also and her kennel is in her room. We rescued Blu from the kennel on post, if we did not do this she would be put down. Abbi is getting a Chihuahua ( I have no idea how to spell it) from a dear friend of ours that was an aid to Faith when she was in first grade. It is one years old and loves to be dressed up and held all the time. Something Abbi really needs since her older sisters don't always want to play with her or be nice to her. Abbi will be responsible for her new dog also and it will stay in her room with her. Neither one of these dogs are puppies. Blu and Cass have become best friends. When Cass comes home from school we take them out to the field behind the house and they run together with a rope in both of their mouths and roll around for the longest time until they are exhausted. It is so great to see Cass be able to play and be a dog when he gets his "take a break" command. I created this blog to share our story. To help raise awareness of our daughters hidden disability. We are so open with our lives that it seems to backfire on me sometimes. Sometimes people have to give us their opinion on how we run our household or the decisions we make. Just as with the comments we receive with Cass, we have to ignore these and just keep on going. I am better than this than my wife is. It hurts when it comes from someone you love, even more when they are not around to experience what we do or walk in our shoes. I hope you all are enjoying this blog and I hope it has taught you something or even gotten you to maybe help someone else. Keep it going friends. Kris

First day of school.....

Sorry it has been a few days but I am very superstitious and things were going too well to take a chance of some karma ruining it. Last night before Faith went to bed she told her mother and I that it was the first time in her life that she was not afraid to go to school. She got up with her little sister and they both were excited to get ready. She was all smiles and just a bit nervous. To make a long story short, Faith and Cass made it to class today with no issues what so ever. The school did a wonderful job. There were some very special teachers ready for them with open arms and to ensure a smooth transition. It was so amazing and yet hard to believe that two years worth of hospitalizations, homeschooling, doctors appointments, IEPs, crying, struggling, praying all came to this morning and Faith realizing her dream of going back to school!!!! Abbi had a fabulous day in kindergarten and Tess helped the librarian until her school starts in two weeks. I just want to set back for the next couple of days and really enjoy this. None of this would have been possible without all of our friends, families, supporters and those who gave us a push when we needed it. To all of those who do not believe or had any doubts of the wonderful things that are possible with our four legged best friends then just read the past year of this blog. Thanks everyone, from the bottom of our hearts!! Kris and Renae

Sleepover and fundraiser....

So for the first time ever that I can remember Faith stayed the night at her friends house last night!!!! WOW. Cass stayed here with her two sisters, he had a sleepover of his own!! Her and Cass also had a very successful open house at her school Friday evening. The entire school/staff was eagerly awaiting their arrival so they could meet Cass. They are all keenly aware of Faith's struggles over the years with school and her mood disorders. Let me tell you they both were AMAZING!!! Every person, and I mean every person who knows her told me they noticed a huge difference in her demeanor and the way she was walking around with a new sense of confidence. Cass did great, laying down every time she stopped and took a nap. Her principal, Dr. Butler, who has had experience with service dogs in the past, was also impressed with Cass. he is an amazing dog, and Little Angels does an amazing job with the dogs and the training they do with the recipients. I know Monday, the first day of school will be tough, but I know it will be successful. Never in my wildest dreams would I imagine that Faith would have a sleepover with a friend, much less two nights before the first day of school. Normally she would be angry, not feeling good, snapping at people, etc. Let me say it again, this has been the longest struggle I have ever had to reach a goal; getting this dog for Faith. But in just the last month of having him and seeing the difference in my daughter it has all been worth it. We may have had some jelly sandwiches for a lot of dinners for lack of funds....but they are tasting like prime rib today!!! We also have a friend in Texas who is doing an online fundraiser. Please go to our FB site or Faith's Story on Facebook and read about it. If you do not want to purchase this Scentsy product pass it forward. I know someone will and it will be going towards Little Angels. Thanks so much to Marlaine Fluery for helping with this cause. She came to us with this wonderful idea!!!! She is a special lady and we are so glad to have her as a friend!!!! Have a wonderful Sunday everyone!!! Kris

 Scentsy Buddy Fundraiser
To Benefit 
Faith, Cass & Little Angels Service Dogs

When: August 8-August 31st
Where: Visit- marlainefleury.scentsy.us
Click on fundraiser link for Faith & Cass
Choose from:

Patch the dog Scentsy Buddy $22.50
And/or

Baby Patch the dog Scentsy Buddy $18.00
Buddies will be sent directly to you with shipping starting at $5
Each buddy includes a scent pak of your choice from 50 available scents valued at $7.00.
This month the buddies are 10% off but I will be donating 25% of regular price (before taxes) of all buddies purchased to Faith, Cass and Little Angels Service Dogs.
Why: I was touched by the struggles this family has dealt with emotionally and financially to provide for Faith and their family. They have had to take out a huge loan to provide for Cass, who will allow Faith to return to school this fall. Cass was provided by the Little Angels Service Dogs as well as the training for Faith that was needed to be successful with Cass.
Even after they pay off this loan they intend to pay it forward and want to help another much deserving individual receive their service dog.
What a wonderful example of a family “Giving more than they Take.”
You can read more about Faith, Cass and Little Angels Service Dogs at the following sites:

http://krisandrenae.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/littleangelsservicedogs.ca
www.littleangelsservicedogs.org/



EVERYONE DESERVES A BUDDY!!!!

shots anyone????

This morning Faith, along with Cass, will be going up to the hospital to get her shots. Her doctor prescribed a cream to put on her arm that will numb it and also something to drink...kinda like before you prepare for surgery to get her through this. As a man and a marine, I always want to say "suck it up and just get through it", but when you see someone have a panic attack/breakdown over something, big or small, it just makes this hidden disability called a mood disorder even more confusing. I hope she does it, it is hard to understand how something like this can be such a huge obstacle but things like going away from home for two weeks is not??? She is brave and courageous and I know she will get through it. Kris

Computer is back up and running....

Well the computer was broken for a while and now it is back up and running. Faith is doing well. The girls went school clothes shopping yesterday and school starts on Monday. She seems excited but only time will tell. Cass is adjusting well and is allowed some family time in the evenings. It is just amazing how he can switch a button and go to work when needed. His personality is awesome and he is a great addition to our family. Tomorrow Faith is going back to try and get her 11yr old shots again. The doctor prescribed her something to calm her and some cream that will numb the area. We have a friend in Texas who is going to do a fundraiser online so be looking forward to the flyer. It is pretty cool that she offered to donate all commissions to Little Angels Service Dogs. Kris

Bipolar Spirit: Rosie: Getting a Psychiatric Service Dog

Bipolar Spirit: Rosie: Getting a Psychiatric Service Dog: A while ago we came across information about Psychiatric Service Dogs (PSD's). You are probably most used to service dogs such as Seeing E...

Sunday morning...

It has been an amazing vacation and a great last weekend. I have learned how amazing spending time with your children is and I am finally learning not to give a darn about anything outside of my realms. Just enjoying the family. If anyone out there ever looked at someone with a service dog and sad "oh how special, that person is so lucky" well you were right. However I can now attest that Faith has her work cut out for her. Even though Cass is as well trained as they come, he is a lot of constant work for Faith. She is constantly thinking of her new friend and planning everything around his needs also now. It is some amazing to watch but yet even more amazing that an eleven year old can be that responsible. I am so proud of her. We could not get through getting her shots for school on Friday. She had a major panic attack right as the nurse was about to put the needle in her. We had to stop but with Cass' help she was able to calm down in just a matter of maybe twenty seconds. Before it would have been minutes. She went out and played without him yesterday for a couple of hours. It went well, I think he enjoyed the rest. I am going out to the field this week for training. It will be her first time with him and without me. I know she will do great. She takes her new responseability serious and has a great outlook on the upcoming school year and her hidden disability. There is not much more a father could ask for. Kris

Thursday ......

It is amazing how much work Faith and Cass are having to do each day. I have a new found appreciation for service dogs and their owners. We have to constantly review and have goals each day to work on. She is only 11 and her patience are not good anyway, but she is a trooper and pushes through stuff now that she could not before...all for her new best friend Cass. A long lost friend sent me a message today to donate $10. It is so sweet of her. I had to say thank you and like I told her I am not good at asking for things, it is hard as a father knowing that I cannot afford to provide something my child needs. But my ego has never been more important than my kids needs. So it looks like I am going to become a professional fund raiser???  Faith is not going to be the last one to need a dog, so I can go to sleep tonight knowing there is someone out there who could really use some help to get through each day of their lives, and they don't know it but I am going to help them. Thanks everyone and thank you Jennifer!!! Kris

Donation link....

Here is the link to make a donation.

http://fnd.us/c/7FhBb

FAITH'S STORY

FAITH'S STORY

Met a new friend....

So today was awesome. The family was eating lunch and a gentleman comes over and asks about Cass. To make a long story short our new friend David is medically retired from the Army, he suffers from PTSD and Traumatic Brain Injury. He has been unable to find anyone to provide him with a service dog or train one. Well my wish of "paying forward" is happening sooner than I thought. Once we get done raising the money for Cass we have found the next recipient to raise money for. I wish I could have taken a picture of David with his family as Faith and I talked to him with Cass laying there, it was so amazing to see the smiles on their faces. He walked out to the parking lot to thank us again. I am excited!!!! Kris

Went to the school...

This morning we all went up to Faith and Abbi's school so Faith and Cass could walk around it and start getting use to it. It was one of the few times I have seen Faith not scared to walk into the school!! We were also able to meet her new principal. Renae and I sat down with her and talked about Cass and some things we need to do to prepare for the school year and making sure there are no kids who cannot be around dogs.  It was an interesting conversation. I learned a new perspective towards service dogs and schools. Here are some main points of the ADA (Americans with a Disability Act): 1. A service dog is granted legal access to accompany  you anywhere that the public is permitted; restaurants, shops, grocery stores, theaters, amusement parks, public transportation, etc.. This law applies to all businesses open to the public. But business owners can't interrogate owners to assure the animal is a legitimate helper. 2. The law states: In situations where it is NOT apparent that the dog is a service animal, a business may ask only two questions: a.) Is the animal required because of a disability? b.) What work or task has the animal been trained to perform? No other inquires about an individual's disability or the dog are permitted. Businesses cannot require proof of certification or medical documentation as a condition for entry. So my question to you is...what about schools? The school asked for certification that he was in fact a service dog. I told the principal I do not have to provide that and she said " I do not have to let him in my school". She said she has 500 other kids to worry about also. Then she finished it up that we would end up in court and it would not go that far but she wants the certificate because she will get bombarded by parents wanting proof. I did not get upset because I understand her situation. These dogs cost so much to train and we have to go out of our way sometimes to prove him and Faith must be together because of all of the selfish people out there who try and get their dogs inside places when they are not actually service dogs. The did not lie when they warned us every day you will get bombarded with crazy questions and ignorant people. This is a great school and we do have the certificate for the school. Funny thing is the principal and I both know that the person asking to see it does not know what one should look like or not. Well we are going to go out and do some shoe shopping and training for Faith and Cass. Kris

We are back home....

Ok so I think I let everyone down by not taking my computer to San Diego to give better updates. However this may be I can only say that it was a good thing. Now that I am back home and all of the family is together I can tell you that I had quite possible the best trip ever in my life. Faith and I connected like we never have. Through all of her troubles her mother has been the one there for her all the time. This has caused me to be left out. Well Renae and been nothing short of amazed of the change in her daughter since she has met Cass. I missed my family so much but I really needed this time with Faith. Her and Cass are doing amazing. He is a special gift from above that I think will continue to make great changes for our entire family. Last night me and my three girls played in the field with Cass. It was just some structured fetch as Katie, the trainer, would call it. But it was special and fun and it leaded to all of us, including the dog playing soccer. Then I had to bring Abbie, aka Princess the boxer service dog, inside for a special grooming session in the bathtub to include shaking all the water off when she got out!!!! Cass is asleep upstairs with Faith in her bed as is everyone in the house. We met some amazing new friends in California. I will share those stories as I post the pictures. It was a trip that will continue to make ripples forever from the splash we can call Cass. Kris

Graduation certificate...

They r officially a team

Long days...

Just laying down from ten hours if training and siteseeing with Faith and Cass....sooo tired and even more amazing...it is surprising how many people tell Faith she is doung a great job training Cass????? Really???

Update from San Diego....

Ok everyone...it has been a while since I have updated. The last five days have been the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed. This dog Cass is the most amazing animal and I cannot believe how he is able to help Faith already. I have taken hundreds of pictures but for some reason they keep uploading to the blog sideways. So I am uploading them to my personal facebook page and tonight I will take them all. The training is pretty tough. Faith takes it very seriously and there is a lot to learn in a short amount of time. We both feel that we have to give it everything we have to honor Cass and all his training and Katie and all the people at Little Angels Service Dogs. Cass is a direct representative of that wonderful organization and we do not want to embarrass them. Katie is a special person, as is her husband AJ, and it is evident in how special and comfortable they make Faith. I have never seen her open up and get so comfortable with someone as fast as she did with Katie. And she has a special gift with people and communicating with them. It will take me a few days after this is all done to take it all in and spit it out in words for you. I miss my wife and two other daughters so much but this has been the most amazing trip. For the first time Faith and I have totally clicked. I have never had the opportunity to get this close with her and it has been undescribable to spend this time with her. This dog is going to change her life more than even I thought was possible. I do not want everyone that has been following us to think I have forgotten about the blog, it is quite the opposite. I just do not have the energy or computer access to write everyday. Just follow the pics if you can and I will be home a week early to make sure Faith and Cass transition to Fort Campbell smoothly. At that time I will start typing away about our trip and our new family member. I met numerous other children on our saturday trip to Coronado Island that are trying desperatly to raise money for their dogs. They get to go out once a month and start learning to be a handler, but remember each of these dogs cost $8,000. I am going to need everyone's help still in raising money for Little Angels Service Dogs and these children. This is my mission and goal in life to help other kids like my daughter get a gift of a service dog. Thanks everyone and I hope to hear back from you!!!! Kris

Amazing..

It has been the most amazing few days. I am witnessing a transformation before my eyes. I am so proud of Faith. I do not have access to a computer but will soon and give everyone an update. Kris

Training

Learning to get Cass under tables.

Faith, Katie and Cass going for a walk.

Paws up...

Faith and Cass

July 4....

Yesterday Faith and I spent the day at Oceanside beach. She loves the beach and playing in the sand. I think a lot of it has to do with the texture of the sand, needless to say she had a wonderful time. She is doing really well being away from Renae and her homesickness really only comes out when she is exhausted. I am so proud of her. Today we will spend the 4th of July with all of Renae's Family and follow her brother back to El Cajon, where we will be staying. We are staying with family, even though Little Angels recommends a hotel, because of money. It is very expensive out here and we did not raise all the funds necessary for this trip and training. We are doing well and tomorrow is the big day. In 27 more hours Faith and Cass will meet. I will take a bunch of pictures for sure and upload them. Keep checking every night and you will see. I am curious to see how Faith does tomorrow. This trip when she is alone and not doing anything she keeps her toes curled and her fists clinched. She does this without thinking about it. It could be stress, I don't know. But I wonder if Cass will help with that. Have a wonderful 4th of July. Please continue to forward this blog as much as possible. The more followings we get then hopefully one day we can sell some advertisement and raise money for other kids to get service dogs. That is what we want from this whole experience. That is why we are opening our lives up to everyone, to raise awareness and money for service dogs. Please do not forget that. We need everyone's help to do this. Thanks, Kris

Camp Pendleton

Monday July 2......

We spent yesterday afternoon at the Mall. Faith did not wake up until late in the morning. She is so homesick and yet she is so happy to be here and just a few days from meeting Cass. I have not seen her set still for more than a few minutes in days now. She goes from super happy and excited to really sad. Being away from her mom has got to be tough, heck I am having a hard time. We have a time and place to meet Cass on thursday morning so that helps a little. Spending all afternoon in the mall helps her, funny thing is she is so much like me, when we go in certain stores with too much noise or things we both get uncomfortable and want to leave. Well not much to update on, just wanted to touch basis. Have a great day everyone. Kris

At the mall...

Walking around the mall...dont think i will ever get faith out of clair's

A visit to the zoo....

Yesterday we went to the Zoo with some family. It was a long and wonderful day. I posted some pictures of the trip, however I still have to figure out how to get them from being upside down. Faith did really well. But as usual she needs to be on a schedule. With so many people and little children there were lots of stops and unscheduled delays. This eventually took its toll towards the end of the day. Faith was unable to contain her anxiety and was unable to set still. We made it through it but it was just another example of her daily battles. Her fists were clinched tight, she was not able to smile, and I was really concerned. She just told me to leave her alone and that she just does not feel well. Other than the end of the day we really had a great time. I have never been able to spend so much one on one time with her. I am learning her body languages and routines. I am learning how to cope and get through daily obstacles she goes through. This is stuff her mom normally helps her with, but she is trusting me and learning that I can help her also. I really am missing our family back at Fort Campbell, but this is such a great experience I am getting to share with Faith. For the first time in eleven years she is truly opening up to me and trusting me. She always had a little, but this is different and hard to explain. All I am her for is to be with her and take care of her...nothing else. I am so grateful for this. Katie sent us a picture of Cass yesterday, I will post it when I am done with this. Thanks everyone for your support both financially and emotionally to allow me to take this trip with my daughter. Kris

Cass is the dog in the front.

Faith and her cousins...

My beautiful daughter Faith.....

Me and Faith @San Diego Zoo

Grandparents kids....

Ride to SoCal....

Faith riding moms old bike!!!

Dog Insurance?????

I was just thinking...does anyone out there know if there is dog insurance out there. I know there is for medical issues, but what about death? They have it for horses, for those that travel a lot with expensive horses. Since I had to take out a loan for a dog and it is still being paid for, kinda like a car, it might be wise for me to get some insurance. If anyone knows I would appreciate a lead. Kris

Saturday morning....

Last night Faith was having a really hard time. She really misses home and wants to go back, but she really wants to meet Cass and start training. This is the longest she has been away from her family and just with me. I can tell the anxiety is kicking in, she is having head aches, stomach aches, and cannot sit still in the evenings. I have planned something each day to try and keep her busy, but there is nothing to do to help in the evenings. We have been going to bed at 8pm, which is close to her normal routine. I wish I could speed up the time, we only have five more days. I am having so much fun with her and I am just as homesick as she is. I miss my renae and the girls and I hate that I am not spending time with them while I am on leave. Today we are going to the San Diego Zoo. I will take some pictures and post them. Hope everyone has a great Saturday. Oh yea, I found it ironic that yesterday I was listening to the news and they mentioned that Zimmerman guy who shot the kid in Florida. He had almost $200k in his mypay account in a week, and then the presidential candidate had over 4 million in donations within 24 hours of the supreme court ruling...yet it is so hard to raise 10k for a service dog for a child.......go figure. Kris

Breakfast...

Eating breakfast with Faith. 6 more days until we meet Cass and start training!!

First day in California....

So far so good. Last night we spoke with Katie at Little Angels Service Dogs and Cass is with her and ready to meet Faith. We are going to see if we can move training up a little bit. Faith is hanging with her Aunt Nicole and her three cousins. I am getting a lot of rest and taking care of long overdue paperwork. Katie is also going to provide us with a book for the teachers to share with the students at her school and it talks about service dogs. She also has a presentation that I can give at assemblies at schools that Faith and I visit to help raise awareness on mood disorders and service dogs. It is going to be awesome. Kris

Arriving at Ontario CA Airport!!!!

The weather is awesome.....

At airport....

We r at the airport. 30 minutes to boarding feels like eternity to Faith.

The journey begins....

After two weeks straight in the field, and no time to prepare for this trip, today is the day that Faith and I get on the airplane to go meet Cass. We will stay with Renae's parents for a few days before going down to San Diego to begin training. She is so excited that it has been difficult for Faith to sleep. This has been a long time coming. I wish we could afford to have the entire family come out with us, but it will be just Faith and I. The girls are really wanting to go see their grandparents and so is Renae. I will keep making updates through the cell phone and posting a lot of pictures so stay tuned. Thank you to all the friends, family, and people out there who made this trip possible! If it was not for all of you sharing, this trip would not be happening. Kris

Happy Father's Day.....

As I sit here this morning and write this I am thinking of all the things that I am thankful for....way too many to write. Today I am going to be thankful for my wife and kids and my little dog Lukie. My kids are amazing and so are all the friends we have. The military brings people from all over the world together to live, work, and share our lives. This hidden disability we live with in our home and made that even more apparent. Our family is doing so great, and we have great friends. Our friends don't like us for what we have or where we live. We all share a common love of country, the military, and lonely nights, weeks, and months that only those who sacrifice can ever understand. Thank you to all of those who follow this and give us your support. Only because of you and our friends and family could I be sitting here not having to worry about my family and what would happen if I was not around or I could not provide for them or even especially in this case, I could not find help for Faith. Have a happy Father's Day and enjoy this week everyone. I sure am. Kris

New friend....

I met a wonderful lady today through a mutual friend. We spoke on the phone and it is amazing how things happen in life. I look forward to her meeting Faith and helping us with our mission to raise awareness of children with Mood Disorders. It seems when I start feeling like I am fighting a losing battle, another door opens and someone else comes along who is passionate about helping children and wants to help. Kris

Happy Birthday...

Today is Faith's birthday..she is turning 11. We had a wonderful birthday party for her yesterday at the indoor pool on post. She said this is the best year ever...she had the best birthday party, is getting ready to meet her dog Cass, and cannot wait to go back to school in the fall. We love you so much Faith!!! Kris

Denied......

We have been working a few months to get Faith enrolled in the "ECHO program" through TriCare. It is a program that offers more services to qualifying children such as ABA therapy at home, time for mom to get away with someone qualified to watch the children, and a few other things. The thing that made us think she would qualify is she is home bound in the sense that she was physically unable to attend school last year because of her mood disorder. However, our wonderful insurance denied us because she does not have the right diagnosis and it has not been proven that this ABA therapy would benefit her. How are we suppose to find out without trying???? Even though her doctor, who has been working with children and therapy like this for over 30 years said this is what will happen, they say no. But they sure do not mind paying thousands of dollars each month in medications for her to take like candy!!! This is typical with the military, just as with us Soldiers they do not mind pushing medicines down our throats but do not want to do proven things like give therapy or service dogs to us!!! Add one more item to my checklist of things to do.....Fight Tricare. Kris

Visit to the orthodontist...

For most children a visit to the orthodontist would be an exciting thing...especially when new teeth are involved to fill the void of ones that have not grown in in over three years. Nope, not so with a child who does not like change of any kind. We got Faith fitted with four front teeth today. They looked beautiful, but Faith could not keep them in. She could not handle the dramatic change in her smile. The worst part was the people in the office thought she was misbehaving. I told the Orthodontist to just pack the retainer and quit talking to Faith that she would be waiting in the car for me. So yes, I paid for some cool impressions we got to keep. I will keep them in my memory box. Faith has actually been wearing the retainer for longer and longer each day. It is just such a drastic change in what she is use to that she just had a wicked panic attack. I hate it when adults who know nothing about our daughter just assume she is misbehaving or acting spoiled. How many children have you seen that scream for their mother while they are crying and begging to get out of a chair, then run into her arms yelling "I am so sorry...I just don't like them" just because they are misbehaving??? Mark another one for living with a hidden disability. Kris

Last day of school....

Today is the last day of school for our daughters. I am so glad Faith was able to go to school in the afternoons these last few weeks of school. She gets to share in the excitement all the children in the neighborhood are feeling and showing. She is so excited to go meet Cass in California and bring him home. She also found out this week who her 5th grade teacher will be.....and it is one of her favorite ones from her school who also just so happened to be her second grade teacher. She has such an awesome school and I am so grateful for their support and understanding. They truly care about her and want her to succeed. We are still trying to raise funds for Little Angels Service Dogs ....so if you can pass on our info to all of your friends I would appreciate it. Kris

not updating...

ok..so I got a complaint this weekend that I have not been updating lately. I apologize. We have our dates to go get the dog for Faith. The 5-19 of July are the training dates for Faith and Cass. Yep, we do have a dog and it is a two year old boy, yellow lab, named Cass. Faith is so excited. We are most likely going to ask to stay with Renae's brother. The cheapest we can find a hotel with a suite is over $100 per day. Definitely not going to happen on an Army paycheck. Faith has been going to school for 2 hours per day. It is working great and she is really enjoying it. We are hoping it will make her transition back into school a little easier. I will keep doing daily updates as we get closer. Please keep passing our story around to others. Kris

wonderful week...

So I go to the field for the week and I come back to some amazing news. Faith, with a lot of help from the school and a few very special teachers, was able to go back to school for two hours each day. She did not do class work, but she was able to have very positive experiences. We finalized the IEP for Faith on Friday, and as the team sat and spoke it was amazing how much Faith opened up to one particular teacher this week. Some of the stuff she shared and showed was hard for me to believe. Faith has never opened up to someone this fast and this much. The school also got to see the different side of Faith which is so important for them to understand and experience. The school is super excited about the service dog, and there is no doubt in my mind that they care about Faith and want her back in school as bad as she wants to be in school. They are an amazing faculty. There is nothing better than leaving for a week and knowing that there are people out there that care for my daughter, my wife, and my family as much as the EFMP and school staff at our daughters school. Thanks everyone. I know next year is going to be a special one for Faith, I just know it. Kris

IEP meeting....

The IEP meeting yesterday went great. As a matter of fact we have to continue it next Friday because of all the interaction and idea sharing we had it actually ran too long. The "team", the school officials and us, both came to the table with the same ideas and goals as we had. We are working for an aid that will eventually be slowly fazed out as Faith learns to overcome her anxiety with school and her a the dog become more of a team. Faith actually went up to the school for a couple hours yesterday afternoon to help out with some first graders so that we can end this school year with some positive experiences. She was so excited. So for the last few weeks she will attend school with her little sister in the afternoons so that she can assist some of her former teachers with classroom work and slowly get her back into a school routine. It is so awesome to know that there are some wonderful teachers and administrators that want our children to succeed regardless of the work or special needs that may be required. I do not know how they do it each and every day with such passion but they do. I have no doubt, even though it will be a long and hard road, but I have no doubt that Faith will get back into school and be successful in the future. We live in a little house in an old neighborhood, one that should be twice it's size, to stay at this elementary school, and this is one of the best decisions Renae and I have ever made. Do not hesitate to ask any questions about the IEP process. We actually have a few people that are familiar with Faith, and who are experienced with IEPs, in there helping us. So do not be afraid to ask. Today we are doing a bake sale during the post wide garage sale, it is fun and I will post a picture on here of it. We are donating all the money from the garage and bake sale to Little Angels and so are our neighbors. The military is so amazing in that we are all family, yet we have little in common except our serving in the Army. Yet no one ever hesitates to do whatever it takes to help each other out. Amazing what can be accomplished when we all suffer together through low pay and long times away from home. Kris

1 May....

This weekend Renae and I got away for the first time without kids. I really think it was the first time for more than a night. It was a great and refreshing time for us. It was one of those weekends I will remember forever. It was also the hardest weekend on Faith. I think the other two daughters actually enjoyed the time away from us. Faith told us on the phone that she just could not understand how they did not miss their mom as much as she does. Renae spent some time each night on the phone with Faith. Our young daughter did it. She really wanted us to take this weekend away, and she really worked hard to make it happen for us. I was very proud of her. This week we have another IEP meeting. Hopefully this week we get the final dates for the handler training for her also. Tess is doing great with her horse. Abbi, well, she is a little bit of all of us wrapped into one loud, happy, obnoxious package. This week is the post wide yard sale. One of our neighbors is putting together a big bake sale. We have some great friends here. Kris

no sleep....

It is funny how some nights like last night nothing will help Faith go to sleep. Normal routine and her sleeping medicine and not sleepy at all. She was happy, a little frusterated, but unable to go to sleep until after midnight. Kris

IEP update....

Yesterday we meet with Faith's school. This meeting was to see, after all the tests and observations, if Faith qualified for an emotionally impaired IEP plan. We went over pages and pages of notes, opinions, scores, and suggestions and she met every qualification for emotionally impaired. On May 5 we have an appointment where we will make our suggestions to the district on what we think she needs and they will make their suggestions. Together we have to come up with a plan to get her back into school and participating again. We also heard from Little Angels Service Dogs, we will know next week if Faith is getting the dog we think she is and the final dates for handler training. It is looking like the last two weeks of June or the first two weeks of July. We are all getting excited because it is drawing so close, yet it is scary because Renae and I basically signed our lives away to get a loan for this dog with the hopes that we can still raise the rest of the money needed to pay for it. It is a risk I had to take, but it is scary. To some people it is not a lot of money, but to our military friends out there who make the paychecks we make you can understand. We will keep you posted. Kris

routine is good...

It is Saturday morning, Tess is volunteering for Equine Assisted Transitions, Renae is taking the day off somewhere, Faith and Abbi are home with daddy. It is raining and cold, so today I will stay home, clean house and watch movies with the girls during breaks of playing time. Faith and Abbi have really been playing well together lately. I am glad to be able to stay home with them today and just hang out, I promised them I would not make them work so they agreed to hang out with me. Strange how the times have changed. Sometimes it is amazing how Faith and I are feeling the same things at the same times, this is something I have been noticing over the past few months. Pretty weird, however I am able to control mine better so it does not show the same as her. As she gets older and can communicate better I am seeing that we are a lot more alike than I ever thought. Kris

same story different occasion....

I am still having a hard time keeping my mouth shut. I made Faith mad again and caused her to have a meltdown. It started because she was not feeling right, however I made it worse when I pushed her buttons and held my ground again. I pretty much have the entire house mad at me...I may not win each battle but I am winning this one this weekend. One of these years we will have a peaceful evening around here. It is not always Faith, other nights it can be one of our other two daughters.....one day. Kris

rough rough night last night....

It sometimes amazes me the little things that set my daughter off. And when I say off the wall little things just trust me. Whether little or big, I still feel sometimes it is necessary to stand my ground on certain things. After experiencing so many meltdowns sometimes, and I may be wrong, I just really get the urge to stand my ground. It can be because of a certain look or a certain pause or expression. Last night I stood my ground and it really made Renae mad. I understand she is "locked in a prison" because she is with Faith 24/7. I understand it is exhausting with no real breaks. I would only hope that she would trust me and my perspective looking in from the outside that sometimes you just have to stand your ground and demand certain things and set up certain parameters that are just not going to be broken. Our home is her safe ground but any safe ground will have limits and out of bounds as far as I am concerned. So the little bull (me) pissed off momma cow (Renae) last night. Now the true test is to see how Faith and momma cow are this morning. I will try to explain my thinking this morning to Renae, but as anyone can relate, some people agree on one thing but in the heat of battle, or in a very high and intense stressful moment, they go back to habit. If you get another post from me then it is likely that momma cow agreed with me if only a little bit. If you do not hear from me then she probably threw the computer and put an end to my blog. Kris

April 18.....

Today we took Faith to an appointment with an orthodontist. She has not had any front teeth for over three years now. She gets so upset every time someone comes up to her and asks when she is going to grow her four teeth back. Well I think she would if she could. And no she is not seven. LOL We are looking into getting her a retainer made that has four front teeth built in. She has enough issues to deal with I just don't want her going into fifth grade with no teeth. Her teeth are far up in her gums and the surgeon does not want to bring them down until the roots develop more. She is doing good, but her outburst are getting bad sometimes. She hits and as soon as she does it a light goes off and she knows it was wrong and she gets upset because she can't take it back. We are communicating with Little Angels to see if and when we can narrow down a date to go out there. I will keep you posted. Kris

letter for faiths grant application.....

I am pasting a copy of the one page letter I wrote for the grant application for Faith's service dog. Maybe you all can give me some feedback on what you think. I am going to mail it out tomorrow. I am also going to past it on some FB pages of organizations that I am seeking assistance from. Please pass it around and maybe it will get in front of the right set of eyes. Thanks, Kris...... Being able to provide a service dog for my daughter Faith would help lay the foundation for the changes necessary for her to live the rest of her life as a productive member of our society and help her accomplish all of her dreams and goals she has aspirations to achieve. Faith suffers from early onset BiPolar and severe anxiety. She is ten years old and at this time in her life her anxiety from “not feeling good”, or even the possibility of, is so severe that she is unable to attend school. Her doctors, as well as her mother and I, feel that a service dog will help Faith gain back the ability to leave home and go back to school. At this stage in her life Faith is so scared of having panic attacks that she can hardly leave her house without either her mother or I with her. She needs us as to provide the security and assurance that someone will be there to help her when her mood disorders kick in. I currently serve in the US Army, which means that I am away from her one year out of every three, leaving her only her mother. The doctors are presently unable to proceed with any desired treatments because Faith is not able to overcome the anxiety issues. She needs something other than her mother that she can depend on to be with her twenty four hours a day and to love her unconditionally no matter how she is feeling. When Faith is “not feeling good”, or when she can tell something is not right she wants to return home as soon as possible and return to the comfort and safety of her home. She is afraid she will lose control and be remembered as that “crazy” kid if she has a meltdown or panic attack in public or at school. She has had a couple extreme and severe episodes when she was seven and before we had any idea that she was suffering from mood disorders. A service dog will help her get out of uncomfortable situations, will keep people out of her bubble, will apply pressure on her chest during melt downs to help her gain control, and will be the “best friend” she can lean on and depend on during her daily ups and downs. Being able to trust and know that she will have this dog with her at all times will open up many doors of opportunity that Faith is currently unable to go through. She will be able to go back to school, she will be able to stay the night at her grandparents house, she will be able to keep prior commitments because of her confidence with the dog when she is not feeling 100%, which is most of her day. Most importantly I think it will help her validate and explain to the public and her classmates that she does in fact have a hidden disability and she is not a “spoiled” or “misbehaving child” that needs some discipline. Mood disorders are seldom understood by those who do not live with them. This hidden disability is hard for most adults to manage and explain to people. Imagine being ten years old and trying to explain what goes on inside of her head to friends when in fact she cannot even explain to her doctors. She is tired of hearing “she looked fine when I last saw her” or “take her to the emergency room if she is not feeling good”. To be able to do the things that normal kids do like ride a bus and attend school, go out and play with friends, stay the week with her grandparents, go to birthday parties, or even spend the afternoon at a friend’s house are the little things in life my child cannot do because of her mood disorders. A service dog will give her the opportunity to experience these things that all children should enjoy. Every child deserves to be “wanted” and to feel “special”, this service dog will add another being besides her parents to shower her with these wants. It has also been told by our doctors and those that we have met that service dogs have enabled many children who suffer from mood disorders to come off of some of their medications. Over the past twelve months Faith has unsuccessfully attempted to admit herself into a psychiatric hospital twice. Her anxiety has kept her from the treatment she wants and deserves. Both hospitals said she would have to be tranquilized and restrained, which would not benefit her and would only add to her bad experiences. Thank you for your consideration in providing what we think will be a life altering friendship and relationship a service dog and provide my daughter Faith. https://www.facebook.com/FaithsMission

17 April...

It has been a good couple of days. Yesterday morning Faith went and had her blood drawn. She took her sisters Ipod and blared it so as not to think about what was going to happen and it worked. Last time she had blood drawn was when she got admitted to Rivendale and it took four of us to hold her down. We are going to start finalizing our trip to San Diego in July. It will be Faith and I only. We have daily training tasks and she will have "homework" each night. Not having her mother and sisters there will allow her to focus on the dog and their bonding. If anyone has any connections for rental cars, hotels, food, and anything else you can think of please let me know. We have to pay all of this out of pocket unless enough donations come in to cover the cost of the dog and the trip. This has not happened yet. We are at 20% of our goal. Thanks for your support and we appreciate everything you do. Kris

April 14....

It is Saturday morning and again the house is quiet and I am doing all paperwork, blogs, and research for our mission here with the Blog. We were turned down again for a personal loan to get the dog. I am working on issues, however I can't get them done fast enough. It is crazy that six years after losing a job we are still suffering the consequences. It makes me so mad that our country bailed out all these banks, yet I am trying to get a small loan, and use my payed off car as collateral and they do not want to do it. Why did we save them? So today I am filling out an application to the Assistance Dog United Campaign. Hopefully in a couple months we will be approved for a grant to help purchase this dog. It is a lot of paperwork, an application, an essay, tax returns, and monthly pay stubs but hopefully it will work. I am still meeting people daily online who are pointing me in the right direction to get help. I just wish it would happen faster. Yesterday we spent the morning trying to get Faith out of bed, yet by 10am she was feeling good. She is having problems with her "senses", meaning her touch is so sensitive it is painful to have her hands a feet or skin touch anything. I don't nor will I ever understand, but it sucks seeing her go through this stuff. Then we went to lunch and everyone sees her and thinks that there is nothing wrong with this child. Such is the life of battling Mood Disorders. Kris

thursday...

long day...Faith is doing ok...we are getting down to the final stretch. I got a call from the Ronald McDonald house in San Diego. We cannot stay there since Faith is not actually getting admitted into a hospital, but they did offer us discounted lodging coupons at local hotels. Who knows. We will keep you posted...not much but appointments today and paperwork. Kris

Hi its me faith. Today i woke up feeling ok so today was an ok day. But latley I have felt really good almost to good it starts to overwelm me but so far today was an ok day. This was Faith yesterday. She is going to start attempting to write on here every few days...I am sure it will take a while for her to open up and be able to express herself. Kris

We are getting a lot of new friends...

Every day now we are getting new friends on our Face Book page. This is exciting. I looked at the stats and out of our 74 "friends" or "likes" those people have 17,381 friends. We now have 40 people talking about it and 1465 page views this week alone. AMAZING!!! On this blog we have had a total of 4915 page views, 1038 last month alone, and 190 page views this week. I am so amazed at how this is spreading. I just hope it keeps growing until one day we can somehow get awareness to some level where these kids can get the help they need. It is so tough because they are a "hidden disease" so people do not understand. Thank you for all of your support....lets keep it going....Kris

Wish upon a hero....

Today I posted Faith's story on Wish Upon a Hero and Make a Wish foundation. They are long shots but there will be no stone left unturned. This is not going to go away once we get Faith's dog. Then I have to continue so we can get other children dogs if they qualify. Thanks again to everyone passing her story around. All it is going to take is one person reading it that can make a difference. Then it will continue snowballing into awareness and more help for these kids. We know what they need, there is just no help available to them. Kris

Wish Upon a Hero - I wish To purchase a Psychiatric Service dog for my daughter Faith.

Wish Upon a Hero - I wish To purchase a Psychiatric Service dog for my daughter Faith.

from Faith...

hi its faith i just wanted to say thank you for helping me get my service dog. I am going to start writing on this blog. I hope you all will write me back. This is from Faith. She has agreed to start participating in the blog to help share her feelings and thoughts. It will be a great way for her to express her feelings and to put a person with the name. She wants to make sure all of this will be able to help other kids like herself one day. Kris

Monday 9 April....

Today Renae and I met with a gentleman to do an assessment on Faith since she is seeing a new psychiatrist. More paperwork and telling our story again. I really should just write it down and mail it to the office each time we start at a new one. He really asked a lot of great questions which of course we answered. He agreed, just as we have wanted that Faith needs therapists to help her get through this severe anxiety she has. He is the first person to agree at least in part that Faith suffers from some sort of PTSD from the traumatic episodes she had at the school when she was ripped out of Renae's arms. Problem is we cannot find the help she needs. It is not out there. There is no place where we can get her intense outpatient therapy (IOT). Tricare does not cover it for kids. The best insurance in the world and we cannot get coverage for my daughter. Unbelievable!!!! We know what will work to help get her better and we cannot get it. This is when it gets me so angry. I am going to start getting Faith to write on the Blog to help us keep track of mood swings and other things. Kris

Happy Easter....

Today we are so lucky to have our kids and see them enjoy an Easter morning. The weather is great and I am not deployed. Faith is feeling good. She gets Sooooooooo excited on holidays. I hope everyone out there is able to have a great Sunday regardless if they celebrate Easter or not. I know not everyone gets to see their kids smiling and screaming while searching for eggs. It is times like today that I sit back and say all the tough times are worth it just to see your child smile and happy even if every morning is not like this. We must always cherish what we have. Especially when you have a great friend like James, I know he loves this Blog so I wanted to throw this out to him. Happy Easter everyone!! Kris

Good Morning....

It is Saturday morning and everyone is asleep. Renae was sick last night, got what Faith had. So me and the girls spent the evening watching movies. Faith is feeling good, and she and I cooked dinner last night. She is so excited about cooking Easter dinner. We were able to get her in with her old psychiatrist on Friday. So we are starting over and going to try and get her moods stabilized. Hopefully it goes well. I think the toll of the last two weeks is what breaks Renae down and allows her to get sick so easy. There is no way for a mother not to coddle a child when they are hurting, but there is also no way they can get rest. Kids just don't seem to want their father when they are hurting, mother nature I guess. Kris

Blogs 101 - New York Times

Blogs 101 - New York Times


cool article on blogs...feel free to add links to your favorite ones or ones that can provide insight or help. Kris

Bad night...

Faith has had a bad run of luck the past week. She was up since midnight last night throwing up. I was able to get her an appointment with her old psychiatrist this Friday, this is one bit of good news I guess. We are still awaiting the results if her IEP, and we are still working on getting all the final documents and doctors letters required to get her enrolled in the ECHO program. This will allow us to have therapists come to the house and help her with a lot of the issues she is having. Renae and I have been talking about the biggest issue we see right now with children with mood disorders. Faith is unable physically to be admitted into an inpatient psychiatric hospital, but this is the only way she can see a new psychiatrist without a three month wait. This seems ridiculous but it is true. There is such a shortage of psychiatrist and that is our main battle. Finding a good one that will not merely keep mixing cocktails of medicine until our child is a walking, yet behaving, zombie. But if we were to force her into a psychiatric hospital she would have a new doctor within a day. Go figure. Hope everyone has a good Thursday. Kris

No luck...

They went to the hospital last night and were not able to do anything. Same old story, there is no way Faith can do an inpatient, they do not offer outpatient, and they have no child psychiatrist they can recommend. Here we are again, no child psychiatrist in the area right now. At least we have a great psychologist that will be with us through all of this, however Faith is struggling and so is Renae. We will see how it goes, now Faith is stressing that she HAS to feel better before she gets her dog. Why she is stressing over this I can't understand, nor will I ever. Kris

So sorry....

today Faith had her two teeth pulled...the anxiety started last night which ran into today. I came home and she is on the floor at Renae's feet begging her to take her to the hospital...she is hurting and the pain in her head is driving her crazy. Renae just drove her to a psychiatric hospital, we both know she will not be able to get admitted, even though she wants to more than anything. The worst part is we cannot find a child psychiatrist anywhere???? This sucks....Kris

It's not fair.....

I know every parent out there hears this at least once a day. It is just one of those things we get tired of hearing. Well things do get more complicated when you have a special needs child or one with a disability. Yesterday I heard, "you never punish her just because she has a disability". Well this is not true but I guess looking back it actually has some merit to it. It is not that we don't discipline, we just try to avoid meltdowns. I have been trying my hardest lately to be evenly firm with the girls, however the last few months have really gotten to me. I did not realize how much bickering girls do. I can honestly say that my girls may get along for five or ten minutes a day. All day yesterday I was trying to get away from them and they would literally follow me inside, outside, to the neighbors, and even across the street. I now have a following, but not the type I want. I am going to make sure that I am more consistent with all three of them, after all they are going to wine, complain, and cry either way right? Kris

ups and downs....

It has been a week of up and downs...Faith had a great week of almost "too good" of a mood...now it is ups and downs of feeling euphoric and then really bad. It is absolutely exhausting on Renae because all she wants is someone to help her...or more or less be there with her why she is hurting so bad. We were talking with the doctor and there is no doubt in his mind, as in ours, that there is some type of atypical mood disorder going on in her brain that she is not able to communicate to us, nor is she able to transition in and out of it at all. Not to mention a lot of the things that go on verbally and physically are "learned" behaviors or behaviors that get the type of responses she needs from her body and from us. However it is tough to work on correcting the behaviors and feelings if we cannot find out exactly what is hurting her nor are we able to find a combination of medicine and behavior therapy to help with it. We are going to the bank to draw a personal loan to pay for the service dog. I have decided to use the titles on the cars for collateral until we can work on fundraising to pay for the dog. My window of opportunity is closing faster than I realized it would. The only time I will be able to go to California with Faith to train and get certified with her dog is July of this year or December. I will be leaving early next year for another deployment and I want to be here the initial training and the weekly follow up training for both her and the dog. Me being gone is hard enough on Renae I want the dog and Faith to be working great as a team before I leave. Little Angels Service Dogs is a non profit organization so my loan check will go to them. As I raise donations then Little Angels will send checks to payoff the loan so that when it is all said and done the dog will be given to Faith at no or little expense to us. I wonder if I don't make the payment would the dog get repossessed? Hahaha I am not worried about it. I would sell everything I owned to help my daughter, what is money if I don't have it anyway or your kid is not healthy to enjoy what it can provide. I will do anything to help her with this hidden disability and I personally think that once we have the dog and people see how it works it will be easier to get donations. Have a great weekend!!! kris

Equine Assisted Transitions...

Yesterday was the second weekend that Tess, Faith and I volunteered for Equine Assisted Transitions. This is a wonderful program for the children, families and soldiers in our community ran at the barn we board our horses at. They have a web page at www.equineassistedtransitions.com that you can get more information. The girls absolutely love volunteering for this. I have mostly been amazed at Faith's excitement in it. She was up before sunrise yesterday and did not want to leave. Her passion for helping others with any sort of problem is fascinating to me. No matter how much she is hurting or not feeling good she can always muster up the strength or courage to help another child or animal. It is a tough commitment for me to promise our time for, but it is so wonderful to see my children give countless hours towards something good. Tess at 12 years of age is trusted enough to prepare all the horses and even lead people around. Faith is always wanted around because of her smile that never seems to go away. If only they see what her parents have seen. But it is so fun to watch them do something together that makes them both happy. We just have to wait for our littlest cowgirl Abbi to be old enough. So Faith is doing well. We are getting closer to the summer when we will meet our new family member. I am going next week to draw a loan for the remaining amount for the service dog. We will still be able to do some fund raising over the next 10 months before I deploy and get some of the money back. Regardless of how it works itself out we are going to get this dog for Faith. I know it will help out and I never want to look back and think that there may have been something else I could have done to help her out that I did not do. Kris

friday...

It has been a good week. Faith has felt pretty good. As with any mood disorder it can switch on a dime. Last night was a loud and angry transition into sleep. Something that is never talked about much is the toll that this hidden disease has on family members. It affects every one of us in its own way. It changes a house whether we want it to or not. It strains even the best relationship a married couple could have. It has kids fighting for attention whether we see it or not. It follows us to work, where people will never understand unless they live with it. I just sometimes lay back and think about it. I would never wish it wasn't in my life, because I could never imaging life without my daughter. I do sometimes think how all of us would be different without a mood disorder in our home. As tough as it is on us it does make us better. If not presently, for sure down the road. I know I have an appreciation for children and parents alike who have a disability in their family that I would have never had before. I also admire these brave children who never asked to be different but face reality every day with a brave determination some of us adults could only wish we had. Between personal relationships that have ended sourly, the military life, deployments, and our hidden disease I sometimes think I am at my limits. But as the paperwork shows in my military file, I have four dependents. I have to be strong and available for the other three also. I can honestly say that there is no class or course to prepare us for life and its lessons. We just somehow summons up the strength and courage to just do it. Enjoy the weekend. Love your family. And appreciate what you have. Kris

Doctor update...

Yesterday we took Faith to see a new doctor. Actually this visit was the first and last visit for us. It was actually a nurse practitioner who can write prescriptions for us until we can find a new doctor. The ironic thing is she is leaving at the end of the month also. There is such a shortage of child psychiatrist out there. One the way home Renae and I discussed how happy we are with our psychologist. It sometimes seems as if he is so against giving Faith the "Bipolar" label. This is good because there is no doubt that he is ruling out everything else that can be the cause of her issues. We are still finishing up on the IEP. He updated our EFMP (exceptional family member program) paperwork with the Army. We are getting all of our ducks in order so that Faith will qualify for ABA therapy. Someone who specializes in working with children and they will come to the home, school or wherever the child is and work on the behavioral part of mood disorders. Our doctor is a firm believer in this, which makes us feel so much better. Instead of fixing everything with just medicine, our goal is to get her stable with medicine, work on the behavioral issues, and if absolutely necessary add some medicine. It is just nice knowing this doctor will be around and working with us for years to come. Battling mood disorders is hard enough, having to deal with a lack of doctors in this area is only more stress that we do not need to deal with. But I can understand a little. Imagine having to keep all these troubled children at work and not letting their lives and troubles come home with you. Impossible I say. Kris

long week...

The last week has been a long one. Actually had a really good time in the field. Minus the last day of thunderstorms and hypothermia, it was great to getting back to shooting our howitzer. Faith on the other hand has had a terrible week. We went to the doctor once, it was great that he was finishing Renae's sentences, however we still are not able to pinpoint what is causing her this pain and misery. Pretty much every day and evening she has been suffering. I hate hearing my child crying that she cannot go on this way or please, please help me. I hope when she gets older she can look back and know that we are doing EVERYTHING in our power to help her. This is just not a big fix. Hope everyone has a great day. Kris

Sunday morning...

What a week..what a week. This next week I will be going to the field for some much needed training with my section on the Howitzer. I just have not had time to work this blog and send out the letters that I need to do. It does not seem like I will make the timeline necessary to pick this dog up this summer. It is looking like it will be December. I just only have so many hours in a day and we must have so much money down towards the dog before they do the final 60 days training towards Faith's specific needs. It is just impossible to do it all by myself. Renae is absolutely wore out and physically past the point of exhaustion with the day to day stuff we are doing right now. Three kids, testing for Faith, doctors appointments, the support needed for my career, and so on. I know this is the story of every parent out there. I just hate that it feels like I am letting her down when I know it is something that will help her. I am going to keep this post short so I can send out a letter to the stables/arena to get us permission to put on the speed show to raise money for Faith. Have a great week everyone. Kris

Long week...

It has been a long week. I have been going to bed right after dinner every night. At work we are preparing for a field exercise next week where we will certify on our Howitzer and live fire for the first time with a new crew. Faith has been doing ok. She has been testing at the school. Which in itself has been a challenge to just get her there. At the same time she has been feeling terrible. We also found out her new psychiatrist has up and moved to another state with not even a word of warning. Oh how things seem to work in this world. Longer posts to follow. Kris

Breaking Silence: Looking Back

Breaking Silence: Looking Back

Sunday morning coffee....

Well it is Sunday morning around 0630 and the house is quiet. This is the time that I usually sit here and reply to all the emails and write my letters for support for this mission I am on. It is pretty exciting to have a "purpose" again on a personal level. I meet the most wonderful people almost on a daily basis. I cannot wait until we get this dog and start sharing our story even more. This dog will not only help Faith but it should open up more doors of opportunity to help other children and other families with a hidden disability. We are well on our way to putting together this horse event/speed show to raise money and awareness. I am really excited to do it. I think we have found an arena we can use every year. I have narrowed it down to two buckle companies. And I know for a fact I have more than enough volunteers to help run it. I am working this morning on a letter to take personally to local businesses to ask for donations. It will be fun to meet these people even if they are unable to help. They will at least allow us to put up flyers. Faith is doing well. She has really taken off with her passion of cooking and baking. That is exciting. We contacted the local 4H and they have cooking clubs, so she is excited to start those soon. She is pretty much cooking or baking something every day and she records any and every cooking show on tv. It is nice to see her finally really "love" to do something. I think she has found her calling. Thanks for all of your help and support. Don't forget to pass this forward every now and then to help us gain support. Kris

good day yesterday...

Had a great day yesterday. Found some great information for putting together this benefit speed show to raise money for Little Angels Service Dogs. More info to follow. I will be working on the letters this weekend while it is raining. I appreciate all the people who are helping with suggestions and information. Thanks. Kris

I'm very proud...

Today was a very exciting day for me. I was at work out in the field training with my section on my howitzer when Renae called a few times. I called her back and you could tell she was very stressed and angry. Faith had an appointment today at 1230 to take some tests at her school for her IEP assessment. These had been planned for almost a month. Well last night she mentioned she was nervous. When I got on the phone with Renae I could hear Faith in the background screaming and crying. She was not feeling good and could not go up to the school. Well I could not come home and help Renae out. Episodes like this over the past couple of years have really taken their toll on Renae. I just told her to do her best and worst case scenerio get Faith into the car and drive to the school and say she cannot get her out of the car. This will help to have them witness this. Well I don't know how they did it, but Faith went up there and actually took a couple of tests. I was so proud of her to be able to work through this overwhelming fear and make it up there. People who do not get to witness these kinds of episodes can never understand them. Heck I have witnessed hundreds of them and can't figure it out. It sucks and they really take their toll on Renae. She was so brave and I was so proud. Check out this link to a page on Faith's Story Facebook page for donations. http://goo.gl/3Jz64 Kris

Why???

What a terrible evening we are having. I just don't get it. Faith felt good all weekend, then all of the sudden this afternoon she starts feeling bad. She went upstairs to our room around 4pm and laid in bed and watched movies. It is now 7:42pm and she has been upstairs for over an hour banging the walls, pounding the floor, and yelling at the top of her lungs "I don't feel good". Her hands are super sensitive, her whole body is to any touch at all. She wants her mom to be with her and to help her, however there is nothing Renae can do. "Please help me mom!!!" followed by, "What can I do for you Faith?" followed by "Nothing!!! I just don't feel good". We cannot touch her to console her, even sounds drive her crazy...all she can do is scream and flop around until she goes to sleep from complete exhaustion. It is the most terrible thing and I just wish I could take whatever pain she is having away from her so she can just have a normal day for once in her life!!! I love you Faith. I just can't even imagine what you are going through. I am sorry you have to go through it. You are the toughest little lady I have ever met in my life!!! Love, Daddy