Merry Christmas....

Merry Christmas everyone. Christmas eve was a wonderful day for our family. I have never seen any child that loves this holiday more than Faith. Her and Renae have spent countless hours baking, decorating, and planning today's meal. It is not the presents that gets Faith so excited. It is everything; the movies marathons every day, the lights on houses, the decorations throughout the house, and the spirit of Christmas and inviting soldiers to the house for dinner. We were so concerned about the let down today after such a wonderful build to today's climax of opening presents from Santa. But it was not the case, she has transitioned wonderfully. As a matter of fact she has been playing with Tess and Abbi all day. As I set here she is baking in the kitchen with Renae. The sun is out today and it seems just too great of a day, I wish it would not end. I never in my wildest dreams could have imagined how deep, complex, and wonderful relationships between parents and children are when you are the parent. It is so difficult and challenging yet so rewarding on days like this. I was talking to Renae the other day and I said "we are never gonna be far from Faith when she enters into adulthood". She will always need a "safe haven" to be able to come home to. But as we lay exhausted in bed we can only imagine how parents with children they have to take care of for life do it. I sure have met some special and inspiring parents lately. Great days like today make anything life can throw at you worth it. Merry Christmas everyone from the Forchione Family. Kris

Faith baking....

the wrong person exploded this time....

As the few of you that read this have noticed living with someone with a mood disorder is tough on the entire family. What makes it so terribly hard for me is that she got it from me. My mom suffers from a mood disorder, and to be honest I battle my own issues, which going to combat did not help. A dad is suppose to be strong, perfect, and almost like a superhero to their kids. Well, and with no good excuses from this man, I exploded on the entire house the other night. A wise person told me the reason words are so bad is they can NEVER be erased from someone's mind. I have to agree. As much as I try to handle myself I really do have anger issue problems. Well the volcano erupted and I hurt Renae and Faith with some bad words and scary voices. I had to get it out. Sometimes I try to get away but our house is so little you cannot go anywhere inside it without out hearing what is going on. Especially when Faith is having one of her episodes. Everyone goes on the next day like it didn't happen except for Renae of course. Things are not the same after this happens. The hardest part of being a dad and not staying home all day is I do not get to be "the one" for Faith. When she hurts or doesn't feel right she wants her mom, not her dad. Her mom says it is because of the way I explode. It may have something to do with it, even though she does sometimes too, but I know it is because I leave for a year and most of the time am not here. Not only do I hurt because she gets it from me, but as much as all you moms out there think we have it made because the kids do not yell for us or want us when they are hurt, it hurts worse when your child runs past you to get to their mother. I cannot get back the time I am away from them, it is who I am and what I do, but I wish I could switch a button and just give Renae a break. I wish I could set aside my issues I am battling and be a better, more calm, person for the family. I just cannot do it. My job in the Army is in combat arms, it is a part of the military most people do not get to see. I just sometimes have a hard time coming home and shutting off the soldier and putting him away in the closet. Kids with mood disorders are very special. No one understands what they go through, nor will they ever. No one REALLY understands what the family members and especially the primary caretaker goes through. I was talking to our oldest daughter Tess one night when she was really upset at Faith. I said, "you have to be able to take your jab at her and then walk away, your arguments will always end in her exploding into a meltdown if she gets pushed past a certain point, which you like to consistently do". Tess said it is not fair and I agreed with her. It is what it is and it will never change. We just have to be able to help each other out and give each other breaks. That is pretty much impossible for Renae right now. I get to go to work, the girls to school, but she is with Faith 24/7 until we can get her into school again. The girls know I do the best I can, so does Renae, it just takes a long time for her to get over harsh words and actions. It is a good lesson for the kids, you cannot just say or do something and then shout out "I'm sorry". I mean you can, however there will be ripple effects from that rock they just threw into the water for some time following the incident. Kids are great, they bounce back as if something never happened. Moms on the other hand are not. I am again rocking in the ripples caused by a huge rock I threw into the Forchione lake two nights ago. Why does life not give us a "rewind" button? Instead of hindsight, why can't we have forward sight, to help us avoid the stupid things we do? Just don't laugh at me if you see me walking around with a life jacket on and the nearest lake or river is miles away. I am merely just trying to stay afloat because of all the huge swells I create on a daily basis. I am sorry ladies. Kris

A new school?????

Yesterday Renae and Faith spent the morning at the new school. I will have to get the name and post it for you all, as usual I cannot remember it right now. It went as normal, Faith could not get in and then down the halls. The owner of this school, there are only 35 students at present, happened to walk by and without a problem got Faith to the class where she spent the morning having a Christmas Party with the class and meeting all the students in her class. This is a special place no doubt. I have never seen such passionate employees and teachers ever!!! It for sure has Renae thinking of a possible comeback to the teaching profession. Everything is tailored to the students specific needs. Most of their students continue on to college, they have a 25 year history there to prove it. Now we have to hunker down and switch Faith's from a 504 to a IEP(I think that is what it is called) with our school district here on post so that they will pay for her to go there. It should be no problem in the long run, however it can be very daunting to do one of these. Luckily her doctor and the school know a little about them. This school was opened by two teachers who disliked the way children with special needs, at the time ADD and ADHD, were thrown in with all the other students and not given a chance to succeed. We are very excited, as is Faith, which is the reason we do all of this. She wants nothing more than to be in school like all the other kids her age. We have a doctor's appointment today with both her psychiatrist and psychologist, something that is normal at with her new doctor, but impossible before. We have some serious issues to address, transitioning from day to evening (a nightmare in our home), discipline (how far to push it and when), separation anxiety issues (Renae is completely worn out). We are having to take baby steps but so much is happening so fast that it is impossible not to get excited. How crazy it is to go from totally helpless to feeling so helped, if that is a correct way to say it. Things are by no means any easier here at home, however it is a lot better to deal with when you feel like you have the right people in your corner. Amazing how much support can help with any battle. Thanks for all the support from you out there, it is great to hear the kind words and the "thanks" for sharing our story from new friends we meet online around the world. We have ones in Canada and across the Atlantic. I am starting to enjoy being a blogger, I have mentioned to Renae I should do one just on my thoughts, and she has begged me not to (she thinks it would alienate me from most of the world and what few friends I do have). Now that is kinda funny, but probably true, the older I get the more I start pondering, or what I call being a philosopher. But she has agreed to let me write a book during my next deployment, I think it will have to do about things each sex needs to know before marriage, so don't worry all of you will be added to the book tour events as VIPs. Merry Christmas for those who celebrate it and Happy Holidays for those who don't. Kris

OK Monday....

Today was not so bad. I think I am the one who ruined it around 5pm. One of the toughest things with a child with a Mood Disorder is discipline, especially when there are two other children. I had to punish Tess and Faith, Tess for yelling at her sister and Faith for hitting her. It is not possible to discipline them both the same, however I do have to hold them both to the same standard. So I had to either not punish her and be unfair to Tess, not punish both of them, or send her off into a rage. I chose the later, and it was painful for all of us. However after it was all said and done, I spoke with Faith and we both agreed that I have to hold them all up to the same standard, we just have to figure out a way to punish her without it causing a hour long meltdown. I know it will work its way out, but it is just another thing to have to consider when dealing with Mood Disorders. Tomorrow Faith and Renae are going to the potential school and spend the day with Faith's class. I will post how it goes. Kris

Happy Birthday Granpa Tony....

Happy Birthday to Grandpa Tony today...not sure of his age...we lost track once he started getting discounts at McDonalds!!!! haha Hope you have a great day, we know he is, he is down in Georgia with Grandma Linda and Aunt Stephanie and Uncle Scott and the two hoodlums. Kris

Thank you Nana....

I am so glad my mom was able to move down here last month. It was one of the hardest moves I have ever had to do. Renae, me, and my mom moved the entire mobile home ourselves. However difficult it was, yesterday made it so worth it. Renae and I got to go Christmas shopping by ourselves all day for the first time ever. I have to admit it was tiring but lots of fun. I do not normally do well in large crowds,but she drove all day to keep me sane and it was a wonderful time together. Faith had a tough time being at Nana's that time, but she knew how much her mom and I love to be together. All the girls had fun, they spoke about it for a while once we were home. Thanks Nana. Kris

She's right..I don't understand.....

I came home from work early today. The rest of my unit started Christmas block leave...we are not taking any...breaking routine and traveling right now is not an option. Faith and Renae were laying in bed in our room, Faith had a headache. She was getting stressed out because of the headache and refused to let Renae get up from the bed. Why??? I don't know. After about a half hour she was building into a meltdown, I went upstairs and told her to take some medicine to calm her down. She refused, she said she did not want to sleep. The problem is that it is impossible to reason with a 10 year old in the beginning stages of a meltdown. She kept saying " No, you just don't understand". I totally agree with her, I do not understand and will never be able to understand why she would not want to take some Meletonin to help her calm down so she can relax and not go through this horrendous experience. She just would not. I finally got her to take it, by then she was hyperventilating, and flopping around. All of this could have been avoided in my mind, yet in her's it cannot. Why does a headache stress her out so much to turn into this?? Why does she insist that her mom be there listening to her, as if she can help, but knowing she can't? I will never know these answers, I can honestly say I would give anything, and I mean anything to walk in her shoes for a while, or even take this from her and bear it myself. I cannot stand to see such a wonderful, sweet, and caring young child suffer like this. Yet, there is nothing more we can do than what we are doing. It just sucks. What sucks more is people never get to see this part of Mood Disorders. I do not want to share this suffering my child goes through with anyone, nor does she deserve to be embarrassed by someone seeing her in that state. It is like seeing death, the vision just can never be erased from your mind. With that said it is imperative that society just takes our word on it so we never have to share these experiences with them. But I have this feeling it is something we just might have to share one day, maybe just get an entire collection of children going through terrorizing meltdowns, hundreds of them, and making an hour long movie of it. Fuzzy out the faces, and make them experience these children suffering for just one hour. I do not think many of them would make it. So while all of my friends and co-workers are vacationing, I will be going to work and praying that I come home to a happy child who does not have to go through any suffering that day. I do not wish for pity, I just wish for compassion, compassion for these kids that suffer, compassion for their families, compassion from those around them so that they can understand that there is a such thing as a hidden disability. Kris

School tour....

Just left a private alternative school tour that Faith's new doctor highly recommended for her..we met her potential teacher...I can really see this working for her. This is exciting. Kris

Horse Therapy Helps Autistic Boy - YouTube

Horse Therapy Helps Autistic Boy - YouTube



this is a great story...there are so many more out there....amazing stories....

It just happens....

Tuesday evenings we have started a new tradition since my mother has moved to Clarksville. We go over to her house for dinner and to hang out as soon as I get off work. I walked into the house last night at about 5:15 and all was well. As soon as I changed we headed out the door to Nana's house. Once outside the gate of the post Faith just exploded. It was almost impossible for Renae to drive and unbearable for me and Abbi. We had no choice but to turn around. If you can imagine an explosion then multiply it by 10 when we turned around. Faith was not having it, she wanted to go to Nana's. This made no sense but it was what she wanted. It turns out she did not want to let Nana be lonely since she was expecting us. In other words she was feeling like she was the cause of Nana not getting to see any of us, which was true, but not by any means more important than her and how she felt. As a family we have to remember that her emotions are more important than any prior obligations we have. One of the problems associated with Mood Disorders is that they are uncontrollable. That means our entire family has to constantly be flexible. This is one of the hardest things to deal with. It causes immeasurable stress, anxiety, and guilt on Faith. I understand her feelings, I just wish we could figure out a way to let her know it is ok and she does not have to try and hide her emotions, since last night is a perfect example of what will happen. Her little sister Abbi, the youngest of all really does not understand, but I think as she gets older she will. This is another reason people who know anyone with Mood Disorders need to understand that they may be on their way to an event, and if they never show up, it is nothing they can control. Luckily our Nana understands, however I can remember this happening before one of our Army Ball's, we could not leave Faith. I still hear about it today, two years later about not showing up. I just blamed it on my wife not feeling good, since no one will mess with her in person about it. But this is the reality of Mood Disorders. Kris

Big smile...

Faith just loves decorating for the holidays.

Nana's house....

Tess, Faith, and Abigail decorating Nana's Christmas tree.

With friends...

Faith with her friend's dog Cocoa.

New Friends.....

It is amazing how many organizations are out there trying to raise awareness and to assist families like ours. I reach out to them and someone always seems to take personal time to respond to me and offer assistance or at a minimum suggestions. Every Sunday AM I have to take time to respond to multiple emails. This is so exciting. As each week goes by on my mission I start thinking more and more that this is my calling. I never truly enjoyed sales because I was at the beckoning call of clients and it took away from family at the worst times possible. Now I can use my skills learned from that to help families and most importantly children. Meeting people that are passionate to help others is more enjoyable than meeting people that are passionate about themselves. Do not take offense to this if you are, because you are needing help in a place I cannot assist, I am just expressing excitement stating that ten years of my life were not a waste...they just trained me for something bigger and better. I will start posting huge thanks to the organizations that are helping so much. All I ask is that you "like" them or send them a quick note saying "thank you". Each thank you goes a long way to inspiring them to continue to assist. Thanks for reading. Kris

Saturday...

Today was a tough day for Faith. She laid in our bed and watched tv all day. We went out to dinner with Grandpa Tony and Granpa Linda, they are in town for the week. Nana and the rest of the family also, however as the girls were getting ready EVERYTHING was stressing her out. When she is in this mood nothing can be done to fix the things that are stressing her out. Then she just starts yelling that she is sorry, and we try to tell her it is ok, but it just goes on. She was able to hold it together to eat dinner, but had to leave the table early. She went out to the car, and fell asleep on the way home. Being stressed out all day was an exhausting event for her. Hope she has sweet dreams and a good day tomorrow. Kris

Thursday..2nd visit to new Dr.......

Yesterday went great. Faith had her second appointment with her new psychologist. I was unable to go since I was in a class the Army has me in. Renae said it went great. He shared some suggestions, said he wanted to wait until we got her stable to implement some tests he wants to conduct. One reassuring thing he told renae is that the evening meltdowns are most likely her slowing down from a day of overwhelming stimulation. He said we are handling them well...Renae has been taking her for drives to calm her down and help her medicine set in to assist in sleeping. We have her off of all the medicines she was on prior. There is a huge difference, which I think is so much better. Before I guess she was medicated and this wild, loud, but mostly happy side of her wasn't there. But she definitely cannot stay still. Next week we have an appointment at a school the doctor recommended. I can't lie, Renae explained it to me but I will have to come back with some more information before telling you about it. Of course we will keep you posted. Our girl is really enjoying the holidays. Her grandparents are here visiting, and she is baking and cooking all day with her grandma. She loves the holidays more than any other time of the year. It is fun to see her so happy. She just hates the evenings, they are so tough. Kris

Daddy and Faith....

Christmas party....

We had an awesome evening at the Battalion Christmas party. Today was a good day for Faith..I am hoping for two in a row....but no one is asleep yet so I cannot count this one yet. Well I spoke too soon...five minutes before she was asleep something started stressing her out...causing her body to hurt...which sent her off... a long drive in the car and an hour later...all is quite. KRIS

Rebecca's Dream | Changing the Face of Depression

Rebecca's Dream | Changing the Face of Depression

One day Faith's Story will be this big, I just know it and have this feeling in my heart!!!!

Monday evening.....

Well we made it through the day without having to go to the ER. It is amazing how much Faith has changed yet how little she has improved. She use to yell "I don't feel good" now it is "they are STRESSING ME OUT" which is then immediately followed by a manic rage. As she is growing older she is able to communicate a little better. However good that is it is yet to help us determine what exactly is going on in her mind and body. It is the absolute worse feeling in the world as a father to see your daughter suffering, totally dependent on her mother since I am not home as much, and wearing my wife out to total exhaustion. I don't know how mothers do it. They endure so much and will NEVER quit when it comes to their kids. Sometimes I wish I could just put Renae on a plane to a wonderful beach resort for relaxation and pampering and I will stay home with the kids, but I don't think she would truly enjoy it because she would know that Faith is not well. Nor could Faith make it without her. Now Faith is upstairs yelling in a rage, if someone who has not heard her before were to walk in, they would not think it could possibly be Faith. She is yelling at Renae that she just wants to go to sleep but she is just too stressed out from feeling bad....this sucks. Kris

Manic monday.....

Terrible day....weather is horrendous and Faith woke up raging...Faith was begging to go to the ER..thankfully we got her asleep...only way to end it...my poor wife is exhausted.  KRIS

Abbi's Birthday....

Today our youngest turns five. A lot of noise, yelling and commotion. We shall see how the transition at the end of the party will be????

Mobile posts....

I now have the mobile version up....had some minor glitches before....most notably operator errors.

New psychiatrist....

Yesterday Faith got to meet her new doctor. We were and are excited about this since he has been working many years with the new psychologist Faith is being seen by. They have worked on many " A-typical" cases together over the years with good success. It is nice also to be able to see a doctor more than once a month. Either one of ours will be able to let the other know of changes so we can make adjustments sooner rather than after a month. Especially right now as we are starting over on the medications. It was always hard to wait a month after realizing that the prescription did not work with Faith. That is what we were dealing with prior to this switch. We all have an aura of hope around us. Nights are still extremely tough with the meltdowns. It is taking a toll not only on Faith but on the entire household. We will make it, but it has been and will continue to be tough. Sometimes I wonder who it is harder on....Faith or Renae?? They are both suffering so much, yet there is no help for the mom's. The only thing that will help is having Faith feeling better. Lets hope for the best. KrisandRenae